I’M FIXING TO FIX IT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH

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I have a list in my head of every single thing that needs fixing around here. I don’t mean to brag, but it’s probably a lot longer than your list. From the leaky roof all the way down to the patchwork subfloor, everything makes it to the list eventually.

When I lay awake in the wee hours thinking about the list, I like to imagine myself in an episode of M.A.S.H. I’m the hero Hawkeye Pierce performing triage on a sickbay floor littered with shattered soldiers, tattered remnants of my gypsy roof, water stained plaster ceiling or adobe kitchen floor lay askew begging for attention. “Dammit Hot Lips!” I would yell over the din. “The roof can wait! Go reset the breaker on the sewer pump before Cathy gets in the shower…STAT!” I rip off my soiled gloves in frustration, “Augie…er Radar! Go empty the rainwater from the stockpot in the hall and bring it to me so I can start dinner!”

Sure it was funny when the clothes dryer vent busted next door to my son’s room and he alerted me to the situation by stating via text:

“Dad, my room feels sticky and my glasses are fogging up,

thought you should know.

P.S. This is Augie.”    \_(:/)_/

P.P.S. we are out of Mountain Dew”

I was not surprised about the dryer vent, it had made the list years ago. Our dryer is a post-war (Spanish American) model and had become the Susan Lucci of our household repair nominees. I was hesitant to replace the menacing hulk because you don’t see many diesel powered clothes dryers anymore, ours is the only dryer on the street with a burlap setting, and it was also serving as a load-bearing structure for that end of the house.

I had been meaning to repair the vent for a long time, but even I was shocked at the scene behind that machine. It was like Alvin and the Chipmunks landed on the Island of Doctor Moreau. Fifteen years of lint and seven generations of meerkat placenta were the only thing holding it together. I fought the urge to put the dryer at the top of the list. After all, Radar is fifteen and his mother still wears a nursing bra. Times are tough.

I had seen worse and I liked the curl the steam put in his hair.

 

 

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